Improvements

Four ways that I improved my draft:

1.In one of my quotations Euginea found that one of the words did not make sense, so I went back to the website and found that I accidentally wrote pronounces instead of pronounced and made that change.

2.In my second paragraph I found that one of my sentences was unclear so I added specificity. I change the sentence “When these children start to apply for jobs, they are going to need these skills in order to be successful” to “When these children start to apply for jobs, they are going to both of these skills in order to be successful”. At first it sounded as though you needed only one of these skills when in fact I was trying to say that it is imperative to have a balance of both.

3.There is an are in my paragraph about how homework can be counterproductive where I explain how spot checking can be bad for a child’s education. I had someone that reviewed my paper say that I should delete it, but I felt that it was needed to get my point across. I may end up deleting it before the final draft is complete.

4.I made small grammatical changes.

Three ways that Lucas improved his draft from my suggestions:

1.He used more in text citations but still did not include in text cites for all of the sources that he listed.

2.He shortened the distance between the title and the first paragraph. This is something that makes the essay look more professional, which could attend to his credibility.

3.He reorganized the paper so that there was more of a logical sequence. For example, he talked about Mexico in the beginning of his essay then again later on, so in order to create flow he moved the two paragraphs one after the other.

4.He did not change his works cited page, something that he still needs to improve upon.

 Photo from: http://nicktumminello.com/2013/01/9-ways-to-improve-your-personal-training-programs/